Walter and Jesse's Adventure
by THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE
Summary: Walter finds hidden treasure in Mexico and heads there with Jesse. What secrets will they find?
1. Chapter 1

Walter and Jesse's Big Adventure!

a/n: this is my first breanking bad fanfic, read and review fuckas! BLAST OFF IM DA BLASTA

Walter was at los porlos homonous eating a big greasy and creasy cheezburger. it was really good.

"mmmm this is really good. and fuckin greasy!" walter said with deliciousness.

walter looked at his watch. jesse was late!

"where is my paretner jesse pinkmann? he is late!" walter screamed. people started to look at him.

"yo mr white. sorry im late." jesse said. he sat down with walter. jesse was walter's partner and firend. he was super cool! the people cheered because jesse made it on time!

"hello jesse, why are you late?" walter said. he was mad!

"i dunno... bitch! please fuck with me bitch, pretty pretty please with a pound of booger sugar dipped in marmalade and meth!" jessie said.

"ok." walter said.

"hey is that a greasy cheeseburger? I want me some of that shit!" jessie said.

"yes jessie it is indeed a greasy cheese boiga. you see the chemical composition of this motherfucker is flambloozled by the gampflorbitar of the tolerance." water explained with his vast knowledge of science and shit.

"wow mr whirte that shit be mad interesting yo." jesse said with a big smile on his face. he was grinning really big and looked around at everyone because he was so happy and he wanted to show everyone how happy he was.

"indeedy it is jesse." mr walter hart write said.

"so can i have one? please pay for me, i left all my money back at my fuckin house!" jesse said.

"jesse no jesse ok jesse? god you're such an annoying little fucker" wlater said. he stoop up and pushed jesse.

"yo you wanna scrap bitch? im fuckin down to scrap bitch!" jesse said. he took mr white the fuck down and put him in an asslock.

"ahhh jesse please stop you're hurting my ass! owwie!" walter said.

"hahaha ok ya chumpfuck ass!" jesse said. he let mr white go.

"jesse! i have to tell you something in secret. i forgot to yell at this to you!" walter said.

"ok" jesse said.

"meet me in the bathroom in five minutes." water white said.

"ok why the motherfucking bathroom?" jesse said.

"because i gotta go!" walter said.

"hahahaha your so funny mr. white." jesse said. he laughed a lot at walter white's funny joke.

"yeah yeah yeah thank you jesse." walter white said.

=+-FIVEMINUTESLATERFIVEMINUTESL ATERFIVEMINUTESLATER-+=

walter white and jesse met in a bathroom stall.

"yo mr white bitch what the fuck did you need to tell me? you know what i'm saying?" jesse said.

"jesse! i have discovered something important, interesting and fucking amazing." walter said.

"yo what is that bitch?" jesse said.

"i found a secret temple where the most powerful meth in the world is made. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS FUCKING MEANS JESSE? WE CAN GET THIS FUCKING SHIT AND SELL THE METH TO ANYONE AND THEY CANNOT FUCKING RESIST!" walter said at the top of his lungs.

"wow thats super fucking cool mr white, neato!" jesse said.

"i know right?" mr white said.

"where is this shit bitch?" jesse said.

"it's in a secret temple in the mexico." walter white said.

"let's go find it!" jesse said.

"yes ok." walter said.

=+-FIVEMINUTESLATERFIVEMINUTESL ATERFIVEMINUTESLATER-+=

Jesse and walter got in the RV or the meth-mobile as they fuckin called it sometimes and drove down to mexico. jesse was driving and he drove on the wrong side of the road.

"yesse! you retard! you're driving on the side of the road that's wrong!" walter white said. he was pretty fucking mad.

"oops my bad bitch." jesse said. but it was too late, a cop was following them and chasing them. it was... walter white's brother hank schrader white!

"oh no jesse. it is my fucking brother in law who is a DEEA agent!" walter said.

"AH WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE NOW BITCH" jesse said. he drove on the wrong side of the road to avoid the cop that was walter's brother.

jesse hit a bunch of fucking cars then pulled over.

"jessie, i got a fucking plan. just stay there! ok jessie?" walter said.

"ok bitch." jesse said. hank stepped out of the car.

"hey hey hey now, i know it's you who have bene making that blue fucking meth. come out with your hands up you nut fuckers!" hank said. someone opened the rv door, it was... walter white!

"walter? what the fuck are you doing in there?" hank said.

"i'm making meth! and you know what hank? i'm gonna be richer than you ever could be in your fucking dreams because i found a seceret and you know what it's gonna make me fucking rich bitch!" walter said. he put meth in his mouth and spatted it at hank like a soggy wet chewing gum.

"run! i mean! drive jesse drive! drive you bitch drive! drive away! awaaay! fucking far awaaaaaay! waaay!" walter said.

jesse stood up on the fucking gas pedal and drove off.

"ah!" agend hank schrader said as he fell on the desert ground. the meth was making him do weird things! he started to spin around on his bald head until he threw up blue vomit. then he stopped.

"oh damn man, my brother in law is making that meth stuff! wow that is so weird. i guess i gotta arrest him before it's too late!" hank said. he looked up at the sky and screamed. he ripped his shirt off and started beating the ground. he didn't want to arrest his brother walter white but he had to because he was a fucking police offer and it was his job to do the law!

"ah! I'M COMING FOR YOU WALTER WHITE! JUSTICE WILL BE FUCKING SERVED NOW BITCH!" hank said. he got back in his car and drove around in circles then went after walter and jesse!

=+-FIVEMINUTESLATERFIVEMINUTESL ATERFIVEMINUTESLATER-+=

"DRIVE FUCKING FASTER JESSY!" walter said.

"I'M FUCKING TRYING BITCH." jesse said.

"wait i got an idea!" water said.

"what might that fuckin be bitch?" jese said.

"drive off into the deser then my brother agent hank schroder won't find us!" walter said.

"ooh that's a good idea." jesse said. he drove off into the dessert away from teh highway.

"that was a good idea mr whitey. now where be that fucking temple?" jess said. walter looked hard at the map.

"it is... RIGHT FUCKING THERE! AHHHHH!" walter said. they crashed into the temple and rolled over 20 times. the R-VEE was destroyed!

"wow that was cool." jessie said.

"jessie you retarded idiot, what were you thinking?" walter said.

"i dunno, oh well let's go in the temple and find that meth you know what im saying?" jesse said. 


	2. Chapter 2

Walter and Jesse's Big Adventure! Chapter 2: The Meth

a/n: i got the swag.

the meth genie

badadup...badadup badda dup bahhhh dadadup bwoooow badadop dopbadopbadadadaddad (tiktiktiktik)  
BREAKING BAD

Walter and Jesse went into the ancient meth temple.

"yo mr white, i thought meth was new and shit, why this fuckin exist?" jess jess said.

"the ancient people of hte acntinet temple built this shit jessie." walter said. "it's vury secientific"

"ok cool bitch." jesse said.

walt stripped down to his undies because it was very hot into the ancient meth temple. then they found a treasure chest.

"wow mr white what's that?" jesse said.

"a motherfucking treasure chest. Jesse." walter white said.

"wow mr white that's cool. let's touch it." jesse said as he touche the chest.

then a bunch of purple smoke (and the song purple haze played on speakerz) came out of it and gold bags of gold meth came out too. then a fucking genie showed up!

" I AM THE MAGIC METH GENIE. GOOD JOB YOU FOUND THE METH AND I WILL GRANT YOU ASS THREE WISHES" the meth magic geneie said and did a gay dance.

"wow that's so cool bitch. I wish my homey comb-o was alive again you know what im saying?" jesse said.

"IT HAS BEEN FUCKIN GRANTED" THE MAGIC METH GENIE SAID.

"Jesse! I get the fucking second wish" walter h whtioe said.

"ok." the meth genie magic said.

"I wish i had a lot of money and unlimited money and a lot of meth." walter said.

"IT HAS BEEN FUCKIN GRANTED" THE MAGIC METH GENIE SAID.

"i want the last wish!" jesse said.

"no i want it!" walter said.

"no i want it!" jesse said.

"no you fag i get it!" walter said.

"fuck you mr walter white, i wish we never found this fucking genie!" jesse said.

"IT HAS BEEN FUCKIN GRANTED. JASSE PIUNKAN YOU FUCKED UP ALL YOUR WISHES ARE GONE AND THEY NEVER HAPPENED" THE MAGIC METH GENIE SAID. and diesappeared.

"NOo-o-o-o-o-o-o-oO!" walter said.

"oh no" jesse said as he started to cry.

"jesse you're such a failing fuck up sucker ass fuck, but it's ok because the magic meth is still in here... SOMEWHERE." wlater said.

and then something bad happened, agnedt hank schrooder came in!

"yo mr white... mr white...white...mr...white...mr...white...mr...mr...mr white...white...mr white" jessie said.

walter woke up in his bed in the RV. It was all a dream!

"yo mr white, we haven't fucking left lors polos hermaous yet bitch, when we gonna look for the magic meth?" jessie said.

"i dunno jesse, i made it all up. There! You happy?" walter said with a mean and angry and happy look on his face as he left.

walter white went home. he couldn't believe everything that happened was a goddamn dream! but then his bitch wife sklare camed into the room he was sitting in which is the room that he liked because it was fucking good and he liked it.

"walt, what are you doing I thought you fucking were getting the garbage instead of selling meth." sckyfler says. she thought the words in her head which took a while before she said them because she's a dumb bitch.

"fine I'll get the fucking grabage."

walter white went outside but something wasn't cool. he looked up in the sky and saw it was getting dark. he pucked out his cell phone and called jesse.

"jesse...some serious shit is going down."

then a plane collided with a giant coffin made of meth. vampires started falling from the sky.

"mr white what is wrong?" jussy said. walt could tell he was crying or fucking or lauging at a really funny joke or he was really really scared.

"the vampires are here." 


	3. Chapter 3

Walter and Jesse's Adventure Chapter 3: Walt and Jesse's Vs. The Vampires!

a/n: yolo blow blob blob balogna.

badadup...badadup badda dup bahhhh dadadup bwoooow badadop dopbadopbadadadaddad (tiktiktiktik)  
BREAKING BAD

walt ran inside because he was really scared of vampires!

he hid in the fucking hole in the place in his house where his heating thing was and all his money and shit.

he called jessie.

"jesse! the vampires are here!" walter said as he sweated a lot. he took his clothes off so he was in his underwear because the vampires could smell his clean clothes and they could find him! they could also smell his fear.

"yo mr white, i thought vampires weren't real and shit." jesse said.

"actually jesse as a matter of fucking fact they are, i saw them. i'm really scared of vampires jesse, please help me fight them!" walter said.

"ok." jesse said. walter hanged up on jesse and went into the kitchen. his tard son walt jr was eating breakfast even though it was night.

"hi dad im eating breakfast." walt jr said in a retard accent.

"that;s fucking great walt june-ya/flynn." walter h white said.

"walt, what are you doing? why the fucking shit are you in your underwear? ew i see stains on your underwear haha." skyler said. it was true she could see them clearly.

"skyler...the vampires have fucking arrived." walter said. he was really scared. but he put some clothes on.

"yeah? ok well that's cool but look walter some person left you a nice little card."

Walter got the card. it was a pretty frilly with hearts and smiley faces and kissy faces. there were flowers and a box of chocolates. the card was written really pretty like and stuff like a girl wrote it or something. the card said, "walter i wanna see you again. i miss you. meet me at 69 Fuck street and we can settle the score ;) xoxo" the x's and oh's represented hugs and kisses. walter learned that in college. the chocolate made him hard and happy and it made him think he was gonna get some hot sex action tonight. it was hopefully from someone hotter than skyler and wasn't a bitch like her either so it had to be from someone like jane. the chocolate made walter happy though, that is until it gave him diarrhea later!

"i wonder if jane sent this. she sure is smoking hot!" walter said to skyler. walter and skyler were still married.

"do you think jane could have sent this skyleer?" walter said.

skyler didn't say anything. in fact she was really mad at walter so she looked at him with a look of pure fucking anger and stuck her tongue out at him and hissed and ran away.

"what's wrong? did i pass gas?" walter said. he looked at walt jr and smiled big.

walter went in the bathroom to use the bathroom and called jesse.

"jesse forget about the vampires, i think they're gone anyway. i got a hot date tonight because some hot chick sent me a card asking me to meet her at 69 Fuck Street ;) can u believe it!?" walter said. he was reaclly excited and had a visible wood in his pants.

"wow mr whiote thats really something i like to hear." jesse said. and SMILED

"i know, but you gotta come with and be my wing-man because i'm scared and nevrous! i'm going on a hot date with some hot chick jesse! what am i supoosed ot say? i never been on a date with a girl who isn't a bitch like my wife skyler!" walter said. he was really scared and neervous.

"yo mr whyte i got your back bitch, i know a lot about women yo." jesse said.

"thanks jesse, get in the vehicle that is your car and meet me there now!" walter said.

"ok i hope we can get greasy and creasy cheesburgers and afterwards at los poblos harmaoes." jesse said.

-_=TENMINUTESLATER-_=BOOM BOOM BOOM.

walter and jesse arrived at 69 fuck street. it was a scary looking house like a haunted house or some shit

"m-m-mr white this be some scary shit" jess said. he was almost to the point of pooping his pants from how scared he was being.

"keep it together JESIE. Fuck!" they went into the scary house.

"I thiought you might come find me here."

jesse threw up when he saw who it was.

"tuco's back." tuco said. he had a double pistol and he pointed it at them.

"t-tuco?! Fuck?" jesse said. he frowned a lot quickly.

"what do you want tuco" walt said. "I have a hot lady that might be jane that will be with me sexually."

"No that was me. I knew your dumb ass would come if I did write it like that."

"Oh."

"Wow mr. white for someone so good at seye ens, you sure are a fucking retard."

"what do you want tuco"

"I challenge the twos of yous to a wrestling match. in an hour in the place across the street. you and you vs me and gonzo. and I'll get my fucking revenge and maybe kill you too."

"no nononnono ok we'll do it" jesse said-y.

tuco left to get ready for the match. jesse was still close to pooping his pant because he was so goddamn scared.

"mr white i'm scared but we'll be fucking ok right because wrestling is fake right mr white? mr white." jesse said.

"yes jesse wrestling is fake but tuco is for real, so the match won't be fake. but don't worry. we shall defeat that burrito fidgeter with science!" walter said with a big smile on his face. he was hoping his smile would make jesse happy too and not scared. he also didn't want jesse to pop a poop in his pant because that would smell bad!

"YEAH LETS FUCKIN DO THIS BITCH." jesse said.

"but first we need costumes, that is our first ticket to winning of our match." walter explaiened with lots of scientifick intellignence.

about an hour later walter white and jesse pinman went to hte stadum arena right next to the haunted house on 69 fuck street. the show was sold out. jesse looked out and saw all the people.

"gee whiz mr white im scared. there are so many fucking people here!" jesse said. he was scared! walter grabbed jesse by the face and yelled at him.

"JESSE YOU CAN'T FUCK THIS UP. WE NEED TO WIN OK?" walter said with a mean look on his face. "GRR!"

"ok. i'll try my fucking best mr white is that ok?" jesse said.

"yes-e jess-e." walt-r white said.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WELCOME TO THE BATTLE OF THE FUCKING CENTURY. " the ring announcing dude said. he had only one mustash.

"IN THIS CORNER WE HAVE THE CHAMPZ TUCO AND GONZO WHO ARE FROM MEXICO!" the rung announcing dude said. the crowd threw shit at tuco and gonzo.

"ey ey ey hey fuck all you bitches." tuco said as he did a dance in the ring to show how cool he was. which was a fucking lot. (A/N: tuco was the best character in breaking bad. way better than gus. tuco would kick gus' ass in a fight)

"AND THE CHALLLLNENGERYAS...WALTER"HNEISENBERG" WHITE AND JESSE!" the ring annoucner said as walter and jesse came out to the ring. walter's wrastling costuime was just his underwear and jesse was in a skin tight yellow jump suit like the one he used to make meth but it was skin tight so he could wrestle.

"yo mr white, i forgot. wrestling is fucking gay. MMA for life bitch." jesse said.

"jesse the truthfusosity of what you just said is very much true you know what i mean." walter said sciensmartly.

"DING DING." the bell said. it was on! tuco tackled walter and put him in an asslock.

"NOOOOO NOT AGAAIN!" walter said as he started to cry.

"no mr white noooo." jesse said. he ran into the crowd as tuco twisted walt's ass into places that hurt him very much. he saw walt jr. getting breakfast at the food place at the arena and punched him in the face and took his krutches. he ran back into the ring and whackemed the shit out of tuco. it sent tuco flying across the ring out into the crowd killing a few people.

"oh your fucking dead you pink fuckbagging assmongrel." tuco said. he was really mad!

in the front row was mary and Agend Hank Schrooder.

"wow that guy looks like walt huh mary" DEA Hank said. "that's really weird."

"it is weird."

"fuck you mary and have sex with me later ok"

"sure after the fight."

"ok coolio."

"oh no." jesse said. he was really scared and wet himself.

tuco came back into the ring and tied jesse's arms into a knot and started punching jesse with jesse's own arms.

"hey stop hitting yourself haha." tuco said. he kicked jesse in the balls with his shoe. but he forgot about walter! walter snuck up on tuco and bit him on the ass!

"AH-EE! MY ASS!" tuco said as he tried to get walter off his ass. jesse got his armbs out of the notty knot and grapped tuco's nutsack and twisted it 5 times.

"OHHOHOHOHOHOH! THAT REALLY FUCKING HURTS MAN." tuco said.

walter let go of tuco's ass with his teeth and started bopping the fucking shit out of tuco with his fists and jesse did the same. they did that for about ten minutes until tuco jumped over them both and tagged his friend gonzo in to the match.

"oh no not this fat fuck." walter said because gonzo was really fucking fat.

"Ahhhhh" jesse said as he ran at gonzo but he fell down and tripped. gonzo stepped on him and probably broke his back. a car fell on him too. maybe four.

"ey man use this." tuco said. he pulled out a GIANT BURRITO DELUXE and threw it to gonzo. gonzo ate it all really fast.

"oh god no...noo...no..." walter said.

gonzo ripped out a giant fart in walter's direction.

walter ducked and the fart hit the ring annoucner and it killed him. he died in an assy explosion of farts. heh.

walter laughed because it was prettey funny to see someone die.

but he forgot about gonzo!

gonzo lifted walter up and threw him into the rafters. walter was stuck in there because his underwear got stuck!

"NO JESSE!" walter said. gonzo started to jump on jesse.

"I HAVE TO USE SCIENCE TO SAVE MY FRIEND AND PARTER." walter said. he had to think of something sceinecetic to do to save his freind's life.

walter knew he had to use garvity to save jese pinkman's life. he took a big smelly dump and it because the gravity was higher up where he was it was heavier when it fell to the ground and it killed gonzo. tuco ran away and they won.

"YEAY." jesse said. walt used his undies as a parachute as he fell down nakedly to the ring.

"JESSE AND WALT WON." the audience said.

"AND THE WINNERS, WALTER HEISENBERG AND JESSE!"

"I AM WALTER WHITE."

but agent hank shracter didn't hear because he was busy getting a hand job from marie.

"oh no jesse" walt said.

"what is it mr. white/"

"we gotta get really high to celebrate. stat." walt said with a big fucking grin. like fucking huge.

"good idea mr. white."

but he didn't have time because saul goodman showed up.

"oh shit guys this is not good. you're getting sued."

"wow by who that kind of sucks."

"...the RV."


	4. Chapter 4

Walter and Jesse's Adventure Chapter 4: Messy Jessy (Messie Jessie)

a/n; This is a really funny chapter lol

badadup...badadup badda dup bahhhh FUCK dadadup bwoooow badadop dopbadopbadadadaddad (tiktiktiktik)  
BREAKING BAD

"what do you mean the fucking RV is suing us? it's not a fucking person." walter white said. he was naked and in a wrestling wring because jesse and walter had just won a match against tuco and gonzo after killing gonazo by whalter taking a shit.

"i don't know ok? I just don't fucking know but he wants to take you to court. he said you broked him." saul said with a sad face.

"dammit! damn you all to heck!" walter said. he ran out of the arena.

"mr white wait!" jessy said. he chased after mr walter white.

"WHAT?" walter yelled at jhessy. he held his hands like cat claws and made a cat growl sound to scare jesse away.

"let's have dinner tonight and talk about waht to do. this shit be mad crazy yo. the rv's fucking suing us?" jesse said.

"you know jesse that's not a bad idea. i'll bring some of my special home made gresasy cheeseburgers. but first i need to put some fuckin clothes on!" walter said. he smiled.

"ok see you later then bitch." jesse said. he went home.

jesse got home. he went inside and noticed something. his house was a fucking mess!

"oh no and oh my god I gotta clean my house." jesse said. he picked up his toys (his toy plane, his toy train, his toy robot, that is all important!) and video games as fast as he could but there was not enough time. mr white would be over soon. the doorbell fuckin ranged. it was late so jesse got into his pajames. he was wearing footy pajames! they was cozy and comfuckterble.

"uh oh." jesse said. he opened the door. Walt was there and in his underwear.

"jesse i'm sorry. i spilled coffee on my clothes and i was making meth while driving so i had to take my clothes off." walter said and explaineded.

"hahaha that's really funny mr white." jesse said. walter came in and jesse started eating some cereal. The cereal Jesse was eating were Poop Loops , his most favorite cereal.

"what are those? Poop Loops? ?" walter said.

"yeah! they're my favorite yo." jesse said.

"that's very interesting jesse." watler white said. he sat down.

"hey mr white, you wanna have a sleep over?" jesse said.

"Jesse youre too gosh darn old for a fucking sleep over!"' walte said snapping his fingers in front of his face and body.

"no mr white your no fucking fun. bitch." jesse said.

"fuck you i know how to have lots of fun thanks to science!" walter said.

"then prove it. ya ass." jesse said.

"ok what the fuck do you want to do for this gay sleepover?"

"LETS PLAY STAR WARS." jesse said. jesse took out his toy lightsaber and starteed beating waler.

"i'm coming to get u darth vader! hahahaahha" jesse said. he was pretending to be luke skywhalker.

"jesse what the fuck." walter said.

"now i'm han solow" jesse said. he rolled around o nteh floor and preteneded to get attacked by the garbage monster! then he picked up a paintball gunn and pretended it was a blaster!

"bang bang your dead hahahahaha" jesse said.

"this is really gay." walter said. he was mad!

walt starting grappling jesse and they smoosh fought. Jesse got walt in an asslock but walter slupped out of it. his undies fell a bit and you could see part of his bum if you were there.

"ok, well what the fuck you wanna do mr science ass bitch?" jesse said.

"let's build a fort!" walt said.

"what the fuck is a fort?" jasse said.

"a fort is a thingy made out of blankies pillows and chares. it takes a lot of scientifickal knowladge to build one " walter said with a big ass smile on his old ass faced.

"wow thats so cool." jesse said.

walter got a shit ton of pillows and blanketes and charis and shit and made a fort. he went inside it.

"mr white? where u go?" jesse said. he crawld inside the fort. and shone his flashlight.

"ahhh i got u jesse." walter said as he caught jesse in the fort and started to tickled him.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STOP IT MR WITE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" jesse said. he started to laugh so hard he was crying and pissing his pant at the same time!

"see? With a lil sicience you can have a lotta fuckin fun." wakter said.

"yeah" jessy said with a big assed smile on his face.

"wanna play truth or dare?"

"sure"

"okay truth first"

"or dare"

"yeha. I mean you first. youth first, because you are younger than me, walter white." walter white said.

"turth or dure, would you have sex with your wife skyler even though she's ugly and a bitch?"

"yeah jese i would because i can't get much fucking done otherwise."

"ok that's funny but you're turn mr white."

"ok jesse truth or dare." walter said.

"dare me bitch,"

"i dare you to do a flippity flip." walter said.

"that shits easy yo." jesse said. he got on the coffeee table and did a flip but he didn't do a flip and fell over. jesse started to cry.

"wah i hurt my arm." jesse said. he was crying lots!

"stop being such a pussy jesse. you were dumb to do that dare you idiot asshole." walter said.

"yeah i guess your wright mist-r white." jesse said.

"yeah i always AM." walter said.

"ok bitch truth or dare."

"i'm feeling DARE-ing" walter said.

"ok i dare you to go get naked and go to the store and pretende you are in a fooug state again only this time u can do lots of funny things because you're not really in a foog state!" jesse said.

"are you fucking kidding me jessy?" walter said.

"yes no i don't fucking know mr white just do it and don't be a pussy haha." jesse said.

"Fine!" walter said. he took his underwears off and went into the store.

jesse was filimg all of the funny shit walter was doing with a vcr video camera.

"oh dude hahahaha mr white's doing it hahahaha shit." jesse said.

walter white walked up to the customer.

"hello i am walter white. do you have any toilet paper? my ass is leaking." walter said. he did a cartwheel and ran out of the store.

"oh my god dude that was funny as shit yo." jesse said.

"I don't like this game." walter said as he put his tighty whites back on.

"let's play other games."

they played xbox ps3 wii U and shit and played Funky Fucking Fun Time.

"jesse i feel like we were sopposed to talk about the rv suing us or something but i'm having a damn dandy fucking time. it's a goody thingy i didn't forget about anything elkse" walter said.

"mr white i'm having so much fuckin fun!" jesse said. that is, until the vampires showd up! one burst thru the wall.

"OH MY GOD NO." walter said.

"mr white oh no look what has happened to me."

A vampire had bitten JESSE!

on his ass. 


	5. Chapter 5 (Pie)

chapter pie

"walt goes missing"

the rv ran over the vampires and killed. it looked like something from cars two

"hey bitches my name is R-VEE" the RV said. "I saved your life because you bitches owe me a court case for letting mike airmentrowt rape me."

"hehehe" walt said.

the rv sprayed special magic red gasoline on jesse. he was ok from vampire now

"mr. white I'm cured"

"but now we're going. fuck you R-VEE" walt said as he pooped loudly at it. it died.

"hey jesse let's go have a tropical island vacay." walt said showing jesse a new plane he bouthg with meth money.

"cool"

they went to a special island.

skyler was crying like a dumb bitch.

"wahhh wahh I'm skyler."

"FUCK YOU." said flint.

"I just wanna share a coke with my huband but he's missing wlat juneeor what do you think I'm fucking kidding are you shitting me what the funk"

"FUCK OFF SKYLER." wlat junior said.

"i have to call mary and hank" sky sky said.

she did. mary was giving hank a handjob so they didn't pick up right away. she had to call three times. hank was pissed to hear his dumb brother's wife voice away

from the place that he wasn't at currenlty.

"what is it skyler"

"walt's missing please fucking find him or I'll bitch you out."

"shit." hank schrader said as he left for his brother's home house place of his.

he looked in walt's green car. there was gunk under the tire. it looked like blood.

"huh" hand sand.

he opened the car door and opened the gloved compartment. there was a bag of blue meth inside.

"huh, that's weird. walt sure has a lot of blue meth in here."

it was all over the floor of the car.

"walt must be delivering these to the police. I'm sure am glad to have him as a brother in law!"

hank shcrader went inside the house. skyler was crying.

"well he's not in the car." hank said.

"shit." Skyler said. "when the fuck is he?"

"not time traveling dumbass, he's a smarty pants but quantam strang theory phsyics is out of his range of developing fucking capablities."

"candy. maybe he's making candy." walt junr said.

"fuck you kid that's retarded."

they spent like five hours yelling at skyler untile...

"I believe I have the solution to your problem."

a tall thin homo man was in the door.

"I am Gus." Gus said.

Gus was standing in the door.

"Who are you?" hank said.

"Whoahhah" skyler said falling over.

"I believe Whahlter Whihte is at my island resort. We should go there."

"Nah you can do it." Hank said. "Bring them back, I'm gonna go get another handy jay from maray"

"nice" gus said.

Gus left. 


	6. Chapter 6

chapter six (sex) aka sixxy six

walter and jesse were on their eye-land.

it was their tropical island vacatione or vacay as walt called it. they were staying at his giant fortress which was on a fucking island. walt made it with meth money. it was pretty legit if you were there you'd think it was cool because it was so big.

"pass me some weed jesse i wanna make puffy puffy." walter said. he made a big smile at jesse and sjesse smiled back but NOT IN A GAY WAY.

he handed walt a super blunt which was like a regular bulnt but bigger.

"ah yes this is a bigga blunt. i can't wait to make makey makey me high high!" waltt said. he smoekd the shit out of the blunt.

"oh damn mr white you're eyes are red as fuck bitch." jesse said.

"dude i'm so high rite now." walty said.

jesse smoked a lot of weed out of his weed machine which was like a bong but powered by a computer.

"hey jeeves give us more weed we're running out bitch." jesse said to the buttler

"ok." jeevs said.

"hurry up you fucking buttler or should i say you BUTTler." walter said. he and jessy laughed a lot at that joke because they were high.

"that was a funny joke mr white hahaha bitch." jesse said. he smoked more weed. and consumed some weed.

"hello walter." a gay voice said.

"who the fuck is you?" walter said. he turned around. he saw a gay guy, it was gfus.

"oh shit its this faggot, not tits man not tiz" jesse siad.

"what the fuck do you want motherfucker?" walt said being all cool.

'i want you to come back" gus said.

"fuck you gus or should i say gus the bus!" walter said. jesse high fived walt because he just fucking owned and burned gus with the joak he made.

"grrrrr!" gus said as he made an angry face and steam came out of his ears liek a kartoon! not steam like the video game shit on the computer but steam like air ok?

gus did a spin and did a jump! jesse and walt weren't impressed. at fucking all.  
"what do you want gus? go away your being really gay, we're just trying to smoke weed and be cool.'" jesse said.

"Sepcial seceret agent hank schraeder is looking your you m-fuckers." gus said.

"oh no. that's too fucking bad, i'm getting my tan on man!" walt said as he put sunglasses on like a fucking boss.

"you are coming with me."

"fuck off gus." jesse said.

"go fuck a chicken gus." walt said. that joke made jesse pee his pants because he was laffing so fucking hard.

"you criss crossed the fucking line with that line walter." gussy said. he did anotehr spin and it made his legs grow really long. he was really tall now and it scared walter and jesse.

"i'm going to fucking kill you both now ok?" gus said.

"no" jesse said. he was really scared.

"AH!" walt said. he got up. he was wearing a speed-o but it looked like his underwear. he was doing it to tan ok?

"  
walt ran away and jesse was all alone!

"mr white why would you do this to me?" jesse said as he started to cry. walt came back in a bus and ran gus the fuck over! gus was dead, his face was halfy-ed like it was in that episode of Breaking Bad.

"i guess the vacataion's over" walt said as he put sunglasses on top of his sunglass.

"ok" jesse said. they left the island and killed the buttler because he never got their weed!

=+-FIVEMINUTESLATERFIVEMINUTESL ATERFIVEMINUTESLATER-+=

secrete anget hank schrkader was at walter's house.

"i wonder where my brotherinlaw walter white is. i sure do miss that guy." hank said. he went over to the wall and stared at it cuz it looked funny to his seeing eyes.

"haha walter has a nice wall." hank said. he saw a secret button, he pushes it. the dwall opened up and he found walter's secret lab in walter's house! his house wasn't a scerete though.

"oh wow this is cool." hank said he went into the sceret lab. there was a lot of meth and scientifick shit in tehre.

"i wonder why there's meth in heeeeyah." hank said as he played air guitar. he touched the meth and scientifickal shit.

"O I FUCKING KNOW. WALT'S MAKING THE METH TO FIND OUT HEISNEBERG's SECREET FOFMULAH AND TRACK HIS ASS DOWN. FUCK I LOVE MY BROTHER IN LAWD WALTER WHITE." hank screamed.

"what you screamiung and screeeeching about?" sklyer said.

"sky sky, I found walty's secret lab! pretty cool fuh?" hank said.

"yeah i guess." skyler said. she was being a bitch AS FUCKING USUAL

walt and jesse just got back then, they were TAN as fuck and looking cool. walt was wearing his speed-o and a hawhyan shirt. jesse was dressed cool like he waslways is ok.

walt went in the house.

he saw that hank was in his secert lab.

"HANK GET OUT OF MY LAB-ORE-AT-ORY." walt said loud.

"why? hiding something walt." hank said meanly.

walt pooped himself a little!

"just kidding budday! i like this lab. i like science. i like you! I like that your trying to catch that motherfucker heisenberg." hank said with a big smile on his face.

"ok good." walt siid.

"hey what smells like poop?" hank said.

"IT WAS SKYLARE." walt said.

"skyler you are one disgusting cunt and an ugly bitch." hank said as walt jr. laughed then fell down because he was a retard. hank left the hosue to go to police place.

"jesse we need to be careful. we cannot risk hank finding out about us making the methy meth." walt said, he was sweating a lot! Like if you were there you'd see him dripping a fuck ton of fucking sweat.

"ok bitch." jesse said.

"now let's cook!" walt said. they went into the scert lab. walt jr didn't notice cuz he was too busy playing gamecube which sucks cuz it doesn't have cod.

they wer making the meth and then something happened, hank came back and saw them making the meth! 


	7. Chapter 7

Walter and Jesse's Adventure Chapter 7-5: The Meth Mobile

badadup...badadup badda dup bahhhh FUCK dadadup bwoooow badadop dopbadopbadadadaddad (tiktiktiktik)  
BREAKING BAD

walt passed out and had a dream about Jesse being the Vampire

"ahhhh mr white i feel like i thinkiing i am transofrmoting!" jesse said.

"no jesse don't let it do this to you please." walter said. he was crying. jesse grew fangs and his hair looked like edward cullens now but he was cool because he was jesse and not a fag like edward cullen because twilight is fucking gay.

"mr white i'm a fucking vampire bitch."

walteer screeemd and ran into his bedroom. then he woke up and saw hank. he woke up from his dream!

"walt? what u doing man? What're you guys doing?" hank said. he saw jesse and walt dressed up as methmen or methamateers as their known as in the meth biz (a/n: i kno this be how they say things, i just know this ok? DON'T FUCKING ASK HOW)

"we are cooking. we;re cooking ok?" walt said. ad least he was telling the truth. it was the least he gould do for poor hanky.

"cooking what?" hank said. he was very confused.

"we're making cookies. blue cookies." jesse said.

"OHEE! oh boy i love cooking are ya making cookies"" hank said all high pitched.

"yes." walter said.

"can i help and watch?" hank said.

"sure!" walter said. he was surprised hank was retarded enough to notsee they were makin meth but ok.

hank helped them make the meth but he didn't knoiw it was meth because he thought it was cookies but it wasn't really cookies it was meth!

"why do the cockies look likel meth?" hank said.

"Er uh I mean special blue crystal cookies" walter siad.

"BECAUE YOU MADE THEM WRONG BITCH." jesse screamed at hank. hank just dint get it. hank ated a cookie but it was really meth he ate.

"wait these don't taste liek cookies wtf" hank said. he was weirded out seriously.

"Err uhhh I guess YOU MADE THEM WRONG. I'm gonna go throw these away so badness doesn't fucking happen to your tummy no more." Walt then drives away and sells the meth to mexicans. actually he was dreaming about that because walt wanted to sell meth BAD so he could build a new castle.

"Wow that's so weird I thought I was making them good" hank said. he was pretty sad but kind happy i guess. it'd be hard ot tell with hank if you were there. "the crowd laughed at hank's funny joke as he looked at the camera. APPLAUSE the sign at the studio or stewdio said Meanwhile jesse was at mr. Clucks chicken. he ran away to get away from hank. hank left tho, walt pooped in hapyynes because he was full of most gladness that his moist brother in law was gone. he almost catched him making themeth!

walt went into a room.

he saw a tape. he was scared about jesse missing so he put in the VCER. It was hank sitting in from of the camera.

"i am an fbi agent." hank said.

he touched his nibbles and made sounds that soundeed like "boop boop"

"huh? what the fuckity fuck was that. i better find jessy." walt said. he took out his gold ipad and called him.

"yo bitch is yor gassy gay brother in law who's a secrety agent for the law gone?" jesse said.

"yessy jesse. YESSE I want to talk to you, i have a most sceifnetifickal idea that we must discuss in private.' walter said.

"ok bitch." jesse said. he hunged up the phone. he met walter back at his house.

"jesse as you may very well fucking know we don't have the RV anymore because it died. or R-VEE. but we shall build a new car. a meth car. A BETTER FUCKING CAR. with SCIENSE." walt said.

"ok" jesse said. he was happy.

"car?" walter said.

"car." jesse said. thet both smiled.

"let's get on this shit and make the best meth car ever." walt said.

they spent hte next six weeks working on the new car, they didn't need water because they were working that hard! but not hard in a gay way ok? they were done.

"I shall call this meth car...THE METH MOBILE." walt said. it was a really fucking legit car. it was blue and looked like the RV but it was blue and had tank treds. it also said "THE METH MOBILE" on both sides and had walt and jesse's pictures on the sides to show they meant bizness!

"wow mr white this car is so fucking cool!" jesse said as he licked the car.

"yes now you wanna take this motherfucker for a spin?" walt said as he through jesse the keys.

"YES BITCH." jesse said. they went in the car. they made the car go. walt and jesse smoked A LOT OF weed in the car. but then the cops saw them.

"mr white should we pull over?" jesse said. he was really scared.

"NO, watch this shit." walter said with a happy look on his face. He push a button on the steering wheel and a rocket came out of the back of the car. they started to fly up into the sky! the cop could only fucking watch then gave up.

"YEAAAH BITCH WERE DOIN IT! WE MADE IT! WE THE BEST!" jesse said.

"AH-HA!" walter said in a hi pitch voice as he smiled big. they flew around the air a lot and did flippy flips.

-back at hte island-

a guy with big ears found gus' bloody halfy carcass on the ocean floor in a sumbareen.. it was...mike Ermentroud!

"i can rebuild you guz, i have the tecknowledgee." mike said as he picked up gus and saved his life.

Uh oh! 


End file.
